Too Much Time On My Hands

The rumble is tonight. I, obviously, am not going. Heck, I don't even know if I'm going to live 'till 4 o'clock.

The nurse came spoke to me today. She told me that...

I was right. I only have a day to live, if I'm really lucky. I asked the nurse for a paper, and wrote a note to Ponyboy. I told him that it was worth it, my death. I saved so many children, and their lives are more important than mine. They have more to live for. I told him to tell Dally this wasn't the end of the world. There is so much out there, he needs to find good. It's there, somewhere.

I also made the nurse attach Gone With the Wind in the envelope. Pony never got a chance to finish. I hope that he'd enjoy it. I only got halfway through, and it was good, but it drained me of too much energy. Ponyboy had the energy to read it.

I signed the letter off, then fell asleep.

More later.
I remain,
Johnny Cade

October 30, 2008

This Sudden Injury

I drift in and out of conciousness. I'm going to die. I will try my hardest to survive, for Darry, but I know I won't be able to make it. My breathing is staggered, and sometimes, the nurses come rushing in, panicking. I'm not going to survive for much longer.


For the last couple years, I'd thought about suicide. How much easier it would be for my parents if I was gone. They'd be happy. And the gang wouldn't have to worry about me, either. And for me, I wouldn't be beat anymore, by the Socs, or my parents. I'd be free to roam the earth in a bodiless spirit, doing whatever I pleased.


But now, I don't want to die. There are so many things I haven't experienced, so many things I have to live for. So many sunsets I haven't seen. So many things Darry hasn't told me yet.

And now I'm going to die, without a backward glance.

The nurse is coming in now, I have to go. Pardon the shortness.

I remain,
Johnny Cade

October 29, 2008

We Didn't Start the Fire

Dally took us to the Dairy Queen. In any other situation, I would have been bouncing with joy, but two things were stopping me: Being a wanted man, and going with Dally, not Darry. We got into a conversation-nay, more like a fight, about my parents. All I asked was if my parents were at all concerned about me, and Dally blew up. Man, he really freaked me out.

To divert the attention from my parents, I made a quick decision in my head and announced it.

"Me and Pony are turning ourselves in."

Pony stared at me. Sure, we'd talked about it once or twice, but never had come to a decision! I tried to lighten to mood, joking that we had ruined our hair for no reason. I received a scowl.


Dally was driving us back, when we passed the church. I saw long tendrils of smoke drifting out from the roof. I silently cursed under my breath, but Ponyboy was more responsive. He jumped out of the car, and bolted up the hill. Dally swore at him, and while he was occupied, I followed after Pony. We raced up the hill, towards the burning church. Ear-piercing screams echoed inside our heads. There were kids in the church! Parents surrounded the burning building, shrieking for their kids. Without a second thought, together, me and Ponyboy rushed towards the church. We quickly opened the door, and ran inside. All around us, flames flickered, dangerously close to crying children who stayed huddled in the corner. I looked toward Ponyboy and saw he didn't know what to do. I immediatly took control.

I ordered Ponyboy to take the children, and drop them out the window, into the awaiting hands below. I scoured the place for other children, but found none. Ponyboy was just throwing out the second last child, when there was a violent wind, and the flames picked up.

"GO PONYBOY! DON'T WAIT FOR ME!" I screamed, seeing I was about to be trapped by the blazing fire.

I took a running jump, and leapt over the flames. I was almost to the window, when a flaming timber began to fall.

I misjudged the distance.

I felt the crushing of my bones, and let out a howling cry that couldn't be heard over the weeping outside. Then, I passed out cold.

I remain,
Johnny Cade

October 28, 2008

Living Like a Refugee

We ended up in that church that Darry mentioned, and hit the sack as soon as we got there. I woke up early in the morning, and saw Ponyboy out cold on the floor. I managed to smile at his peaceful sleeping face, but stopped when my stomach gave a great rumble. I gave a quick look around for food and couldn't find any. Then I remembered the pocketful of money Dally had given us yesterday. We needed to go shopping. I was going to wake Ponyboy up to get him to come with me, but looking at his face I couldn't bring myself to wake him. He looked too much like Darry. Plus the fact that two Greasers about our physical appearence are probably on Oklahoma's Most Wanted List.

Leaving a message in the dirt by Ponyboy so he didn't worry when he woke, I headed out the door and into town. I stopped at a nondescript general store, and quickly did my round, buying lots of bologna, some candy bars, and Gone With the Wind. I'd heard Ponyboy talking about it, and I wanted to know what the big fuss was about. I also bought him a special surprise. Walking back, I had time to think. About my life-no, my old life. I could never go back to that life, my life will never be the same. God Johnny, you're such an idiot! I thought to myself. But then I started to think about Darry. How he always made me feel better when I was down, how I could always trust him. I remember once, when I was maybe 10 or 11, and their house was a bustling house of joy, I had once slept on there open couch during the night. That night, I got up, and sleepwalked into Darry's room, and supposedly started yelling at him, saying my puppy was lost. Darry got up and made me chocolate cake...

I drifted out of my reverie, and saw I was on the path to the church. Not wanting to scare Ponyboy, I whistled our secret whistle. Ponyboy whistled back, and I proceeded into the church. When I went inside, I meant to postpone the news until an appropriate time, but Ponyboy rustled through my shopping bags.

"Johnny! You ain't think of cutting my hair? Your hair!"
"We have to, Pony. The cops are looking for people who look like us, not blond preps."

I don't remember much after that, I think Ponyboy broke down into manly tears-not at all what Darry would have done. Speaking of Darry, he was half the reason I was doing this-not that I would admit it. I kind of hoped that if Ponyboy cut his hair in a similar style to Darry, they would look more alike. Which would make this church torture alot better; staring at the spitting image of the manliest man I knew.

After we'd cut our hair, we were bored out of our minds. We played games, read Gone With The Wind, but mostly, I missed Darry. I thought about him all the time. How great he was at football, the way he snapped his wrist when making a pass. But everytime I let myself get lost, Ponyboy pulled me out of the Darry quicksand.

One day, Ponyboy recited a poem:
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

It touched me, deep inside. I made a mental note to recite it to Darry when we were together sometime. That's when I remembered, I wouldn't get a chance to. Because I was a murderer.
~
We ran out of good food a couple days in, but I told Ponyboy to deal with it. Soon, Ponyboy resorted to smoking all day long. I told him not to, that he might get sick-it would kill me to see Darry worry over Pony- but Ponyboy ignored my advice. And so, one afternoon he took ill. He fell asleep on the floor, and I went on the back porch to read Gone With the Wind. I was really into it, I could almost hear a man talking about how starving he was. Hey, that wasn't in the book- it was Dally!

Joy. See, Dally... well, he enjoys my company, alot. I, on the other hand, don't really enjoy his that much. I much prefer Darry's. But Dally meant money, and money meant food! I bolted into the church to find Dally and Ponyboy chatting it up on the ground. Just my luck- Dairy Queen! I love ice cream, especially having it with Darry! And once again, the thought came to me. I would never again have ice cream with Darry. I was a wanted man, a murderer, a horrible homicidal maniac.

Don't worry though, it won't be too horrible living in an old church for the rest of my life.
I remain,
Johnny Cade

October 24, 2008

Waiting on the World to Change

Fellow Greasers:

I'm scared. So scared. I fear for my life, Ponyboy's life. If they find us, they'll kill me. Give me the electric chair.

Why?

Because I killed a man. A Soc.

Ponyboy and I were blowing off steam in the park, after Ponyboy had thought about running away. We were going to head home, when some Socs came, in a familiar blue Mustang. And then that all-too familiar Soc, sporting his ringed hands proudly, came up to us, with his vicious pack that were waiting to attack. It was too late to run, we'd have to tough it out.

They had enough reason to come-we'd picked up their girls, at the movies- so please don't go after them, Dally.

So, those good-for-nothing Socs come over to us, and I immediatly could tell they'd had too much to drink. Cherry and Marcia had been right- their boyfriends were nothing more than stupid drunks. The one with the rings- the one who beat me up before- came over to us.
After insulting us, he thrust Ponyboy's head deep into the fountain's water. No one paid atention to me, they all egged the ringleader (pardon the pun-this is not a time for jokes) on. I was so scared I almost peed my pants.I saw Ponyboy fight for his life, then slowly submit to the water than was engulfing his head. At that time, all I could think was this can't happen! Not Ponyboy! And I just went with my gut. Before I could fully process what I was doing, I had pulled out my switchblade and stabbed it into the Soc with the rings. I was burning with a fiery rage and couldn't stop- heck, I didn't want to stop- until Ponyboy was released from the Rickie Rich's hands. Finally, Ponyboy was free of the Soc's grip, and I watched the Soc crumble to the ground.
I watched Ponyboy gasp for air, and shudder down onto the pavement. Sitting next to my best friend, I looked around. By this time, the other Socs had ran. Probably been scared of the monster that killed the Soc.
I'm the monster.
The Soc was lying on the ground in a pool of red-brown blood, and that Ponyboy glanced at it when he came to. I looked away as Ponyboy retched the contents of his stomach onto the ground beside him. It was that moment that it finally sunk into me. I was no longer an innocent Greaser. I was a cold-blooded murderer. Ponyboy and me had to get away, and quick.

You guys probably have heard from Dally where we went, if he wasn't able to keep his gob shut. Might as well tell you, we're staying in a church. Don't worry about us, we have food.


Please don't worry, we're safe. You'll hear from us soon enough.
I remain,
Johnny Cade

October 22, 2008